Frequently Asked Questions


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Counseling F.A.Q.

What does couples counseling do?

When you and your partner attend couples counseling, you’ll have the opportunity to discuss and examine the challenges that you’re currently experiencing with the guidance of a trained professional. The therapist will facilitate an environment where both of you can express yourselves freely and identify both the positive aspects of your relationship, as well as any sources of conflict. Couples therapy is capable of addressing a broad spectrum of relationship issues, ranging from minor disagreements to significant communication barriers. It’s important to note that seeking assistance from a qualified therapist is always an option, regardless of the state of your relationship. Even if you believe that your relationship is beyond repair, you might be pleasantly surprised by the positive impact that therapy can have.

Does couple’s therapy mean the end of a relationship?

Not at all, for most people, couples therapy is a way to strengthen a relationship, not end it.

What is the success rate of couples counseling?

Studies have demonstrated that couples therapy has a positive effect on 70% of individuals who participate in it. For numerous couples, reaching out to a qualified therapist can make all the difference between staying together for the long haul or ending up as another divorce statistic.

Can therapy fix a toxic relationship?

If both you and your partner desire to make improvements in your relationship, a relationship therapist can assist you in identifying the root causes of relationship toxicity and introduce constructive and empathetic methods for communication and conflict resolution.

How often should you have couples Counseling?

The recommended frequency and duration of therapy sessions may vary depending on the issues presented and their severity. In some cases, I might suggest weekly or bi-weekly sessions that last 1 hour and 30 minutes. Many couples discover that longer sessions enable them to delve deeper into their problems and achieve more progress, even though it may require more time and financial commitment initially, it can ultimately save them both in the long run.

Should I get relationship therapy?

Absolutely. When there is a deficit of commitment and trust in a relationship, it often leads to harmful interactions that drive us apart, rather than bringing us closer together. Thankfully, couples therapy based on empirical evidence has shown that it can result in positive outcomes for 70% of couples, helping to mend the relationship and bridge the gap between them.

Should two people in a relationship see the same therapist?

There are numerous advantages to seeking counseling. Couples who aim to enhance their communication skills and strengthen their relationship can significantly benefit from seeing the same therapist either individually or together. Working with a counselor can enhance communication and conflict resolution skills for both parties.

My partner and I aren’t married, can we still go to couples therapy?

Couples therapy is suitable for any two adults who are experiencing a significant amount of conflict in their relationship, regardless of their living situation, length of time together, or sexual orientation. In certain cases, the “couple” may consist of a parent and child, or siblings. There are no limitations or restrictions on who can access couples therapy or relationship counseling.

Polyamory F.A.Q.

How do I start being poly from being monogamous?
  1. Raise the idea of polyamory with your partner in a private setting. If you are in a monogamous relationship and want to explore polyamory with your partner, bring up the subject at home. Find a time when your partner is open to chatting, such as after dinner or before bed. Be honest and upfront about the idea.
  2. Before you bring up the idea to another person, sit down and REALLY think about what your boundaries would look like in a polyam situation; write down ALL your fears, worries, doubts as well as what your hopes, dreams, and ideals are. No matter how big or small or silly they may seem. Also, really think about WHY you want to be polyamorous. 
  3. Many polyam individuals choose polyamory because they have always loved more than one person or realized that they have the capacity to love more than one person. You DO NOT become poly to solve an infidelity issue in your relationship, because infidelity exists in the polyam world as well. It is also important to have many healthy boundaries NOT hard rules that are unethical (usually a beginner’s mistake due to unresolved jealousy, fears, or doubts). 
Can a relationship work between a monogamous person and a non-monogamous person?

While not without its challenges, a successful relationship between a monogamous person and a polyamorous individual who maintains multiple relationships is indeed possible. For this arrangement to work, effective communication, ethical behavior, and informed consent by all parties involved are crucial. It is worth noting, however, that polyamory may not be a viable option for everyone, and being in a monogamous relationship with another monogamous person can be equally fulfilling and rewarding.

What is the difference between Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Swingers?

An open relationship is one in which both partners are allowed to have sex with other people, either together or separately, while remaining emotionally committed to one primary partner. Polyamorous relationships involve being committed to multiple partners and loving them equally. Swingers are individuals or couples who engage in sexual activities with others purely for pleasure, without the need for any additional emotional relationships.

Open relationships fall under the category of consensually non-monogamous relationships (CNM), where one or both partners can pursue sexual and sometimes emotional relationships with others. They differ from swinging, which typically involves sex with others at parties, and from polyamory, which involves multiple committed romantic relationships at the same time. Open relationships are often considered a middle ground between swinging and polyamory, allowing partners to have sex with others they find attractive, while maintaining casual relationships that do not involve commitment or intimacy.

In summary, open relationships offer fewer restrictions and are a diverse form of non-monogamous relationships. Polyamory involves multiple committed relationships, while swinging is purely sexual. It is essential to establish healthy boundaries, communicate effectively, and manage time effectively in any type of non-monogamous relationship. Additionally, some relationships may involve deep emotional connections without sexual intimacy, and there are various types of love and attraction, including asexual, aromantic, demisexual, pansexual, sapiosexual, and more.

What is the difference between Polyamory and Polygamy?

Polyamory is the consensual and ethical practice of multiple partners, and it is legal in every state. Polygamy is illegal in most all states as it refers to a man having more than one legal wife. 

In polyamory you can have as many wedding ceremonies, handfasting, or whatever type of ceremony your hearts desire to socially recognize your unions – they just cannot be legally recognized like a court appointed marriage due to tax, insurance, and other legal reasons. For this reason, it is recommended that should a married couple decide to be polyamorous, there should be some sort of statement written stating that both agree to this, in case one or the other becomes jaded in the future and wants to use that experience against you in a court of law to suggest infidelity.

What is solo-poly and the hierarchical system?

Solo polyamory refers to individuals who are open to dating or engaging in multiple meaningful relationships without having a designated ‘primary partner.’ In contrast, hierarchical polyamory involves prioritizing one or more partners (typically designated as primary) over others (often labeled as secondary or tertiary). This may involve two individuals who are married or have been together for a long time, and work together on important decisions, often living together, sharing a property, and potentially raising children together.

While some individuals in polyamorous relationships adhere to a hierarchy system, others do not believe in prioritizing partners in this way. Some may use the hierarchy system only as a means of describing their level of involvement or time spent with each partner. For example, one may have a nesting partner who they live with and spend a majority of their time with, a secondary or tertiary partner who they see less frequently, and even a “comet” partner who they only see sporadically when their paths cross. Ultimately, the hierarchy system is a personal choice for those in polyamorous relationships.

How do you deal with Jealousy?

Jealousy is a natural emotion that can arise in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, and it does not necessarily indicate that someone is behaving inappropriately. Emotions serve as essential signals that help us determine what is happening in our lives and when we need to take a closer look at something. Jealousy usually emerges from envy and functions as an indicator that we have an unfulfilled need.

Regardless of the type of relationship you are in, it is essential to pause and consider your feelings and their underlying causes, even if jealousy stems from a non-romantic area of your life. Once you have identified what you are missing, you will need to have a candid conversation with your partner(s) about these issues. Share how you felt, why you felt that way, and allow them to brainstorm ways to help you fulfill that need while still feeling loved, validated, heard, and seen during these difficult times. Through mindful practices, you can train your brain to recognize when your need has been met and practice gratitude.

What do psychologists say about polyamory?

Research finds that people in polyamorous relationships are in fact, often quite happy with their arrangements: They report the same levels of relationship satisfaction as married partners, as well as high sexual satisfaction.

How many partners is normal in polyamory?

According to researchers Fleckenstein and Cox, most polyamorous individuals tend to maintain no more than two or three partnerships simultaneously. The term “saturation” is used to describe the maximum amount of partners one can have in an ethical and fair manner without experiencing burnout. It’s important to keep in mind that taking time for oneself is also a relationship that counts towards your saturation limit.

How much of my dating life do I share with a partner?

Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question – it ultimately depends on each individual’s personal preferences and boundaries. While some partners may want to know every single detail about your experiences, others may not feel comfortable with that level of information. Therefore, it’s important to have an open conversation with your partners to determine their boundaries and preferences regarding the sharing of details. It may also be helpful to explore any underlying doubts, fears, or feelings of jealousy that could be influencing their boundaries.